Despite the overwhelming hurt and pain I am going through in my own life right now and feeling like I am lost all over again...GOD is there, I just have to reach out and grab hold...I know that. It is hard though when your heart is shattered.
But... church last Sunday was one of those services that tugged hard on my heart...so hard in fact that all I could do was cry my eyes out. Their little faces...so beautiful in their innocence, yet these children are the poorest of the poor and each had such beautiful smiles on their faces. I longed to reach out and just hold them, walk with them, laugh with them. Someday I so hope to get that chance.
What would my life look like if I gave it all up and just followed Jesus? Seriously..what if I sold everything I owned, and left the United States to bring the Word to those who don't have it or so desperately want to hear it...it is a deep longing of mine and has been for a couple of years. I've told no one...at least not anyone close to me, just keeping it between me and Jesus up until now, seeing as I've posted it here.
What would my family think if I just up and left to bear the cross to others? Would they think I am insane? Would they care? Would they be angry? I don't know...my children are teenagers and still need me somewhat, and I have a husband but more and more I hear a whisper telling me get up and go, just leave, you will love your new life with ME.
Do I dare? Do I give it all up for HIM? YES, I want to!!!!!!!!!!! I only want HIM, no other....maybe this is why my life is slowly falling apart around me because HE is pulling me closer to HIM. Could it be so??
Father LORD, you know my heart, my mind, my soul....I don't know what YOU want of me...make YOUR will known to my unseeing mind and eyes and let Your grace and love shine through me for others. Help me to focus only on YOU and nothing else and to live my life as YOU have chosen for me. In Jesus Name, Amen.
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