Tugs on My Heart

Despite the overwhelming hurt and pain I am going through in my own life right now and feeling like I am lost all over again...GOD is there, I just have to reach out and grab hold...I know that. It is hard though when your heart is shattered.

But... church last Sunday was one of those services that tugged hard on my heart...so hard in fact that all I could do was cry my eyes out. Their little faces...so beautiful in their innocence, yet these children are the poorest of the poor and each had such beautiful smiles on their faces. I longed to reach out and just hold them, walk with them, laugh with them. Someday I so hope to get that chance.

What would my life look like if I gave it all up and just followed Jesus? Seriously..what if I sold everything I owned, and left the United States to bring the Word to those who don't have it or so desperately want to hear it...it is a deep longing of mine and has been for a couple of years. I've told no one...at least not anyone close to me, just keeping it between me and Jesus up until now, seeing as I've posted it here.

What would my family think if I just up and left to bear the cross to others? Would they think I am insane? Would they care? Would they be angry? I don't know...my children are teenagers and still need me somewhat, and I have a husband but more and more I hear a whisper telling me get up and go, just leave, you will love your new life with ME.

Do I dare? Do I give it all up for HIM? YES, I want to!!!!!!!!!!! I only want HIM, no other....maybe this is why my life is slowly falling apart around me because HE is pulling me closer to HIM. Could it be so??

Father LORD, you know my heart, my mind, my soul....I don't know what YOU want of me...make YOUR will known to my unseeing mind and eyes and let Your grace and love shine through me for others. Help me to focus only on YOU and nothing else and to live my life as YOU have chosen for me. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Unconditional Love, Humility and Healing

I wanted to take a few minutes and share some stuff. I'm learning and growing as GOD wants me too and it took a long time to get on the right path in my life. There are few things worse to me, anyways, than having a friend, neighbor or dear family member upset, angry or down right pissed at you...but in this process of growing I am learning some valuable lessons. What does the term Unconditional Love mean to you? What does Humility mean? What does being humble mean? First I want to share that in my own life I have a dear friend who over the years we've had some pretty good spats or whatever you want to call them...and we both were unforgiving to the point that we didnt talk to each other...NOT the way Christ wants us to be! My friend shared a couple of articles with me by author Andrew Murray on Humility and Divine Healing...amazing. Today..this friend and I are closer than we have ever been. It was GOD who touched her heart as she searched for answers and not only provided her answers to her own questions but also touched her heart and mentioned to her to call me as I was struggling with my own life stuff and on the point of running and never looking back. And on that day I was driving away here she came in her car and met me on the road...we stopped, rolled down our windows and said HI. and the usual "How ya doing"and when she asked the tears started flowing..I couldnt stop them if I tried. She had tears too. She became my life line out of a very dark pit I seemed to have fallen in without even knowing it. She is my friend, my confidante, my neighbor, my lifeline in time of need, and what I find amazing is there is such a beautiful light in her now...a light from Christ..I can see it, I can feel it, I hear it in not only her words but her actions...it is very humbling to me. And you ask where GOD was? HE was always with us, just waiting on us to look up and ask. We did. And my heart is near to bursting with love, tears of joy, and a new deep respect for my friend that I never had before. I love her unconditionally...it no longer matters the words of hurt we've said to each other in the past...it no longer matters the tears of pain, for Christ stepped in and healed divinely a relationship we thought would never heal. Isnt GOD amazing? Amen!Unconditional love to me means: YOU FORGIVE any wrong..no matter how bad it may be or how hateful, or how painful or how devastating, doesnt matter whether your heart was broken, doesnt matter if your cursed at fouly, doesnt matter if it was a huge misunderstanding...what does Christ call you to do? Read Matthew 6:14-15 "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Can you really take the chance on your Heavenly Father not forgiving you just because your carrying around pride, pain, hurt, misguided feelings? Humility is the state of being humble...and GOD tells us in Matthew 23:12 "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exalted" Have you been humble today? To a friend, a loved one, a family member, a neighbor? Didn't Christ deny Himself to live humbly before others to take care of them and their needs first? Isn't that what we are called to do also? This has been on my heart for a few days now...but even more so after a phone call yesterday for a couple of people I am praying for as the years they have been friends and both living as Christ, as Christians, their relationship can be healed...it is only a matter of coming to each other in humility, being humble and whatever has been held inside for weeks or months should be given up and forgiven for it is what Christ wants. We can't be like Christ or live like Him if we are harboring anger, resentment, ill will towards someone we call friend and family. We should come to the person being humble in presenting our concerns in unconditional love instead of anger and resentment and pray together and alone for Christ to heal the broken parts of the relationships. We should empty ourselves of "I", "Me" or anything else that is of "Self" and fill it instead with "Christ" and let HIS light shine outwards from us.